Comparison and having God-fidence
Hello friend!
Welcome to the blog! Today, I want to get raw and real. I may also get a little fired up in this blog post, (just to let you know) because I don’t want you to live the way I did for 9 years!
Comparison and self-hatred can be a very hard topic, so I want to start by sharing my journey with killing comparison.
“And they have defeated him by the blood of the Lamb and by their testimony.” Revelation 12:11
It all started when I was 8 years old (which is way too young to worry about this!) I started to compare myself with other girls and feel like I wasn’t enough. Then, I began to examine myself in the mirror, speak hateful things over myself, not eat, and then overeat; it turned into this toxic cycle! Almost every thought in my mind was one of these:
Ella, you are so ugly.
Ella, you are not pretty enough. Your __ (insert area) is too big or too small.
Ella, you are too fat to do anything. You need to watch what you eat.
Ella, you talk too much, or you don’t talk enough.
Ella, you can’t share the Gospel, you aren’t as good of a speaker as ___ (insert name).
See that girl over there, if only you looked like her, then you would have friends.
These are pretty depressing, aren’t they? But that is what swirled through my mind almost 24/7! Even though I grew up in church and read so many Bible verses about how I am “fearfully and wonderfully made”, (Psalms 139:14-15) “altogether beautiful, beautiful in every way”, (Song of Songs 4:7), and “God’s masterpiece”, (Ephesians 2:10), I did not believe those statements in my heart. And I had gone to many Christian camps, conferences, and been prayed over so many times by my parents, pastors, and friends! Despite all this, I still fell back into the chains of comparison and self-hate. I wanted to be free and enjoy life, but I thought it would never happen. I began to believe that I would be like this forever and that I would never be able to eat that ice cream guilt-free or feel confident in the body God gave me. And so, for 9 years, I was a slave to comparison. But after I confessed, turned away from it, and turned to God, (see YWAM Camp Recap Part 3 blog post) He delivered me from the chains I was in! I haven’t struggled with comparison or self-hate AT ALL since then, and friend, I want you to experience the same freedom.
Maybe you are in the same place that I was- stuck in the comparison cycle. Maybe your mind is filled with self-hatred, and maybe you feel like you can never live confidently in the body God gave you. Friend, coming from someone who was where you are: YOU CAN BE FREE! You are more than a conqueror in Christ and overwhelming victory is yours! (Romans 8:37)
The enemy uses comparison to take us out of the game. Think about it- he gets us so focused on feeling worthless and like we’re not enough! When we feel this way, we can’t see the people who need to hear the Gospel; we can’t step out in what God has called us to because we are striving to be like someone else. It is the perfect tactic of the enemy! Comparison is the thief of joy, and so not only does the enemy take our focus, but he takes our joy too! We need to kill comparison- which is easier said than done, but it is possible. And it won’t happen if we don’t take action! Let’s take action together today- so we can walk in God-given confidence! (Or God-fidence!)
The first step to kill comparison is confession. The dark is the enemy’s playground. He can keep us in the comparison cycle if we never bring it to the light. It says in James 5:16:
“Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.”
When we bring our struggles to the light, Satan HAS to leave! He can’t stay where light is, and then that’s when God can come in! Confession is the first step to healing, and so find someone (or a group of people) to who you can confess. For me, it was my mom! She was the only person I talked to about comparison- and each time she encouraged and empowered me. I am so grateful for my amazing, godly mother, she truly has shown me what it looks like to live for Jesus! So make sure that whoever you confess to is going to speak God’s truth over you! Tell them how you’ve been struggling, and then pray for healing and freedom together! Because just like it says in that verse- the prayers of a righteous person are POWERFUL! Because you brought comparison to the light, the body of believers can come alongside you and pray with you!
The next step is being mindful of what you think and what you SAY. Remember when I listed the thoughts I was thinking- I was also SPEAKING those. Yeah, that gave the enemy a bigger foothold in my life.
Why? Because we were made in the image of God. And God SPOKE the world into existence! Our words have power, and the Bible talks about controlling our tongue all the time. Not only does this apply to swearing- it applies to what we speak over ourselves. When we speak out these lies, we are giving the enemy more control, and allowing him to plant those lies deeper in our hearts. So, I want you to look back at the list of thoughts that were in my mind. Are some of those thoughts in your mind? Are you speaking some of those over yourself?
If you truly want to kill comparison, then you need to change your mind about how you view yourself. If a thought that makes you hate yourself comes into mind- that is not from your Heavenly Father! And DON’T SAY IT over yourself! Instead, speak TRUTH over yourself- especially when those bad thoughts come in! The Bible is our sword of the spirit (Ephesians 6:17), and so speak the truth of what God’s Word says about you:
I am fearfully and wonderfully made! (Psalms 139:14)
I am God’s Masterpiece! (Ephesians 2:10)
I am altogether beautiful, beautiful in every way! (Songs of Songs 4:7)
I am energetic, strong, and a hard worker! (Proverbs 31)
The Lord delights in me! (Zephaniah 3:17)
These are just a few examples, but this is what your Heavenly Father says about you! You are His child, (John 1:12) and He created you just the way you are! You are supposed to look different than that girl you saw in the grocery store because God made you with a different plan and purpose! The Lord is going to use you in a different way than her! And God is perfect; He doesn’t make junk. How do you think He feels when you are hating the way He made you? You were in your mother’s womb for nine months, being formed by the creator of the universe. He created you with intentionality, and ABBA calls you beautiful! This is the truth that you need to speak over yourself when bad thoughts creep in! Even if all you see is ugly, when you speak this truth, it will change your vision! You will start to see yourself the way God sees you!
What helped me get this truth from my head to my heart, is to write these verses on sticky notes and put them on my mirror. That way every time I saw myself, I spoke truth instead of lies! I encourage you to do the same! Even if you have to take those sticky notes with you everywhere; that way you can memorize the verses!
The next step is walking in this freedom, and praying every time bad thoughts come back! Whenever I catch myself comparing, I pray for not only myself but also the person I was comparing to! This shifts my focus to what is truly important in life- sharing the love and message of JESUS! For example, if I start comparing my stomach size, then I do this:
“Lord, I thank you for that girl and I just pray over whatever season she is in. I pray Lord that you would reveal yourself to her and that she would find her worth, peace, love, comfort, and strength in you today ABBA. And I also thank you for my stomach! I thank you Lord that I was able to eat that protein bowl for breakfast, and now I can have physical strength and energy to get the day’s tasks done!”
It’s that simple! Believe it or not, this simple task shifts your focus to thankfulness and living on mission!
Now comes the part where you live each day with GOD-FIDENCE! All this means is wherever you go, you are fully aware of who you are in JESUS! You are rooted and find your identity in JESUS! You don’t second-guess your worth, and you are bold- because of who your Father, Creator, and Savior is, and who He has made you to be! You aren’t vain, boastful, or proud, but you have this quiet strength that displays WHO you find your worth in! “It comes from knowing that God has equipped you, called you, and walks with you!” -@agirlwithjesus. Others will notice this, and you will be able to give all glory to the Lord! They will want to live like this too, and then you can share the Good News with them! Isn’t it amazing what happens when we step into every situation with this God-Fidence?!
Friend, I hope that this encouraged you today. My prayer is that us women can walk in GOD-FIDENCE and shine the light of Jesus! I pray that instead of comparing, we can uplift one another, and pray for each other. Because 99% of the time, the person you are comparing yourself to, is probably comparing herself to someone too. We all need to be there for each other, and so, let’s step into our W.O.G (woman of God) potential- together!!
Thank you so for reading friend! If you have any questions, I would love to chat with you! please dm me on insta;(@withjesuslife) I would love to help you on your comparison jouney! Stay tuned for next satuday’s blog post! I love ya’ll so much (jesus loves you more:)) and challenge you to walk in god-fidence this week!
